


Do You Have a Flagg?

by Talayse



Series: Nobody Expects the Flagg [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), MASH (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 21:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3544811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talayse/pseuds/Talayse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony receives an unexpected visitor in his workshop. He really should have patched up that hole he made in the roof with the Mark II.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Have a Flagg?

**Author's Note:**

> This story is 100% funnier if you read Colonel Flagg's lines in Colonel Flagg's voice. Never met Colonel Flagg? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2TrW8jR8EM

In hindsight, putting off the repairs to the workshop ceiling, (and the roof) had been a mistake. Tony picked up the repulsor gauntlet he had been adjusting and slid it quickly over his hand, then hid it out of sight of the individual who had just fallen down three stories to land on his workshop floor.

The man picked himself up off the floor and dusted himself off as though the wood splinters and sheetrock dust offended him by not being more dangerous. Tony remained behind his work bench. When the man caught sight of Tony, his eyes went sharp and calculating.

"Stark, I'm here because you're in danger," he said, gravely serious. He could have given John Wayne a run for his money in the rugged man of action category.

"Well I was doing fine until you fell through my roof," Tony answered.

"I jumped," the man said, sauntering closer to Tony to whisper to him confidently, "I'm Colonel Flagg, of SHIELD. And I am here for your protection."

"I feel safer already," Tony said, at his most sarcastically sincere. "But I already spoke with Agent Coulson of the Strategic Homeland Intelligence, Enforcement and Logistics Division. He did not jump down the hole in my house to introduce himself, by the by."

"Well, I only tell people I'm with SHIELD to throw them off, I'm really with Torchwood."

"Well, you've got me there, I've never heard of that one," Tony said brightly as Flagg glared around the workshop suspiciously.

Flagg leaned in toward him and asked, "Can I trust you, Stark?"

"At this point I think I'm the only trusty worthy person in this room, and that is saying something," Tony answered, charging up the repulsor as quietly as he could.

"I'm not really with Torchwood. If I tell people I'm with Torchwood, they think I'm with SHIELD when I'm really with the Department of External Security. There have been some suspicious characters around your property lately, so I decided to reveal myself. I will continue my observation in the disguise of your personal bodyguard."

"That sounds delightful," Tony said, alarmed.

Flagg straightened up and looked once more around the workshop. "Are you sure this garage is secure?"

"Well, it use to be," Tony said.

"This Agent Coulson, what did he say?" Flagg demanded.

"He wanted to make an appointment to talk. You know, he's really not my type, but hey, it's not every day a government agent comes my way," Tony answered. He wasn't sure if he should shoot this whack job, or continue the entertainment.

Flagg huffed, "That's how these people operate. They lure you in with appointments and their mild exteriors." Flagg shook his finger at Tony. "Don't let them fool you, first it's the talking and then, out come the claws."

"Literally?" Tony asked.

"Sometimes," Flagg said pensively and looked away. Then he looked back up the hole in the ceiling. "I'll need a way to come and go unnoticed. Don't fix that yet."

Tony rolled his eyes upwards to look at the hole. "Down is easy, I get that. Do you have a jet pack?"

"I'd prefer if you weren't away of my comings and goings. I will get out, like the wind," Flagg answered gruff and serious.

"O-kay," Tony answered. He was trying to decide if it was possible to set the repulsors to stun when an arrow came out of nowhere and hit Flagg in the arm.

Flagg glared down at the arrow for a moment before pulling it out and throwing it on the ground, "You see-" he started, but he never finished. Instead his eyes rolled up and he fell over.

"Sorry about that," said a new voice from the hole in the ceiling. Tony was really going to have to get someone to fix that. 

A rappel line came down and a guy with a bow over his shoulder came sliding down it. He landed on Flagg but didn't seem to care.

"A friend of yours?" Tony asked.

"No, more like the embarrassing aunt that gets sloshed at Christmas, and starts hitting on your date," the man said, retrieving his arrow. "Flagg is contained," he added into an earpiece.

"Mr. Stark," said Agent Coulson, appearing suddenly at the shattered wall of his workshop. "Sorry to trouble you before our appointment, but Agent Flagg here got loose and it's best if he's contained as quickly as possible."

"What is he?" Tony asked, powering down the repulsor.

"Classified," Agent Coulson said.

"They have classified loonies?" Tony asked.

"Not everyone in the old spies home has a happy tale," Coulson said with that bland smile on his face.

"He doesn't look that old," Tony observed.

"Appearances can be deceiving," Coulson agreed.

The man with the bow, meanwhile, had trussed Flagg up and was holding an arm under each of his, clearly ready to drag Flagg out. "Ready when you are, sir."

Coulson nodded and offered Tony his hand, "Again, sorry to have troubled you."

Tony nodded, then watched as the other man dragged Flagg out of his workshop, following Coulson up the stairs.

"I really prefer the polite spies," Tony observed.

"They do tidy up quite nicely," Jarvis agreed. "Shall I call a contractor about the roof?"

"Yes, you do that," Tony said, going back to his repulsor, turning the stun idea over in his head. What would be the point, really?


End file.
